Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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