so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
