oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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