apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
