Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
