The maid of honor just puked.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
