Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
