Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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