all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
