who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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