Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
