apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
