Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
