I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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