Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
