Just fell off a train. Bad.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
