Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
