Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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