im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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