hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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