"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
there was a trapeze. enough said
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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