k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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