cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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