Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
