I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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