I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
