She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
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Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
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I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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