I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
