i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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