I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
