So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
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What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
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Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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