did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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