She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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