Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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