there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
