"it" just moved
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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