I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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