An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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