R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
