Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
