Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
