he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
