No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
