I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
