In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
