Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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