A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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