Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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