So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i will never coherently bang her
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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