I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it was like eating out sand paper
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
