WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
