Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
