i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Text me some of your sweat
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
