so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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