Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
