He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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