I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I skipped work to stalk him.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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