i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
