You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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