shes about as inviting as chlamydia
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The power of my boobs compel you
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
