it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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