a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
