Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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