It was confusing and full of hummus
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We need to get me chipped asap
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
