idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
