Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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