If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
there is puke in my bra ... again
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