Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
