Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I wear drunk well.
Randomize