I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he was CRYING into my vagina
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we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
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Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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