This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
