please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
