I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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