I looked at my own cervix.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
