About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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